confession

Dear Soulseekers,

I have a confession. I’ve been in a relationship for the last 10+ years, and not with my husband. It’s been a steady relationship with it’s ups and downs, and sometimes we have to take a break from each other, but after all of this time, we are still together.

Early on in our relationship, we were rock solid as most relationships are: “the honeymoon period” they call it. It was great! I lost weight and got in shape. We spent a lot of time together just the two of us, sometimes for hours a day. This relationship got me through my husband’s cancer treatments, stressful times, times of anger, the loss of broken friendships, and my worries about my boys. It’s my meditation and my prayer. I’d be lost without it.

But as with most relationships, someone always gets hurt and needs time to heal. In this case, it is usually me. It is hard for me to spend time apart, healing or trying new things. With each new hurt, I think, “maybe it’s time for this relationship to be over? Try something new”? But I can’t. I miss it too much, and we’ve been through so much together. Once we’ve spent our time apart, we come together tentatively, testing the waters to see if it will work again and wondering can we just pick up where we left off?

This isn’t an easy relationship. Some days are hard. There are days like today when I am left breathless, questioning every step and wondering if this is really for me. But every once in awhile, we have the best day where everything is smooth, easy, tranquil, and it’s that sense of joy that keeps me coming back.

Our relationship has changed over the last decade. We don’t spend as much time together as we did in the beginning, maybe only 2-3 times a week and most of the time now my dog is with us. We’ve reached a new understanding. Now our time together is about quality, not quantity. We go at a much slower pace giving me time for quiet and reflection. Even on a hard day, I always feel better after our time together, and that’s really what you want from a relationship isn’t it?

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I'm honest, sarcastic, funny, loyal, a goal setter, determined, health conscious, a dreamer, a bibliophile, and a creative.

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