As you know, I’m about a month into a new job and I’m faced with a dilemma. Whenever you start something new or meet new people, do you play it safe? Here’s what I mean. Normally in new situations I try to be accommodating and fun and positive and up for anything thinking that this will make people like me and think wow she’s fantastic, but honestly that’s exhausting and not truly who I am.
Let me clarify. I am a true optimist, but I am also opinionated, assertive and pretty laid back. On top of that I am extremely introverted. I am not shy, but people drain my energy big time and so does noise. I work around kids and some loud boisterous adults. There is a lot of noise all throughout my day. I will never be the life of the party or the person that everyone wants to hang out with. I don’t like large groups or just groups in general. I like more intimate get togethers of 1, maybe 2 people. Anything more than that and I’m cringing on the inside looking for any excuse to not be able to attend. I want to be invited for sure, but then I will apologize and say I’m busy.
So for this job, I’ve just decided to be who I am. What you see is what you get. If I see a problem, I am going to say something about it. If there is something I feel that I need, I am asking for it. They can always tell me no. I will do the best that I can at my job, no question. But I am going to stay true to my dry humor and low key personality and honor my introverted self. At the end of the day, I want and need quiet and some time to just be in my head. Sorry happy hour, not today.
So why is it so hard to just be who you are? Isn’t that good enough? I’m pretty self aware and I know the psychology behind all of this, but yet here I am struggling to stay true to myself. Worrying about whether my new coworkers will like me or not. Do I fit in? Thinking that I should be “fun” and make new friends. But honestly I don’t want to put forth the effort to get new friends. To top it all off, I am old enough to be “Mom” to all of my co-workers. I am struggling with this too. I need to cut myself some slack. Can anyone else relate? Is it just me?
Let’s talk about this more next week.