i Surrender

Dear Soulseekers,

If I have learned anything over the past year, it is that I am a total control freak and that I do not deal well with prolonged uncertainty. In my November post on dealing with uncertainty, I wrote about writing things down, controlling what you can and cutting yourself some slack. Now I would add – just let it go. Give up trying to control the uncontrollable. There’s no sense in fretting about something that you have no control over. There are a lot of things with which we have zero control. Period.

So what do you when you feel helpless or powerless? Some might turn to faith: a belief in a higher power and you surrender your worries, doubts, and insecurities over to this higher power. He is in control. Others says it’s fate: your life is predetermined and everything will happen as it is meant to be, while others may say it’s just serendipity; a roll of the dice.

For me, I turn to faith, and I’m sure over this past year, God has been there watching me and shaking His head in amusement, as I grip the reins of my life trying to steer in the direction I want to go, trying to control what is happening or to achieve the outcome that I want. It’s futile. I know this, and yet, my grip is tighter than ever! I plead and whine and argue and cry and shake my fist trying to understand everything that is going on and asking why can’t things just go back to normal and be easy for a little while? Please! I am tired of my job feeling like an amusement park ride. I am tired of trying to understand my sister and her attitude about this pandemic and vaccines. I am tired of trips being canceled. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am worn out. I am fatigued.

Finally last week, I surrendered. The school where I work decided that the Sunday night before we returned from Spring Break was a perfect time to announce a complete format change. Everything at school was going to be completely different the next morning. Surprise! We were all completely blindsided. And that’s what it took for me to say aloud, “You know what? I’m done. I surrender. I give up.” I let go of the reins, and I have to tell you, I felt the greatest sense of relief; a heavy, heavy weight was lifted from my body. A sense of calm came over me. I still feel it, and I wonder: is this all it took for me to find some peace? Some calm? I just had to let go of the reins?

Until this past year, I’ve always lived with the belief that God was in control, and until writing this just now, I didn’t realize that I lost some of my faith during this pandemic. How ironic! At a time when I face the hardest test(s), I lose sight of what I believe in and who I trust to make things right. Light bulb moment!

I’m not in control. I never have been, and I am certainly not now in the midst of all this uncertainty. I surrender. It’s that easy.

God,

give me grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.


Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,


Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

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I'm honest, sarcastic, funny, loyal, a goal setter, determined, health conscious, a dreamer, a bibliophile, and a creative.

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