Baked beans

Dear Soulseekers,

It’s been over a month since I posted on this site. The holidays were busy to say the least. I still don’t think I have recuperated.

As I was logging in today and preparing to write, I read back through my most recent posts. Be still, silent really hit home. I needed to find some solitude this holiday season. I needed to slow down, rest and enjoy my break. Christmas wasn’t bad per se, but it was busy, and there was lots of people. For me, people is people even if it ‘s family. And I know we hadn’t seen each other in a long time because of the pandemic, but.

A girl can only take so much.

Anyway, I’m not going to rehash my holiday and woulda, shoulda, coulda myself to death because I’ve already done it. It doesn’t change anything. Next year, I need to be more mindful of my time and remind myself what my goals are for the holiday season. Needless to say, I had 2 feverblisters (stress related) by the time the new year was here. In fact, I had a dream the other night in which all my family was together again, and certain family members had poured baked beans all over everything: the dishwasher, the refrigerator handle, the floor, everything. I’m still trying to process my vacation. Sigh…..

So now I’m back to work feeling frazzled and unorganized. I’m not sure what the cause of this is. More fallout from my Christmas vacation? I’m not sure. But this new year is already starting out differently for me. I’m usually really motivated and excited about the start of a new year; a clean slate! By Christmas I’m thinking of resolutions and planning out a few goals so that I am ready come January 1. Not this year. Resolutions didn’t really cross my mind until January 1, and then I was like Oh, I haven’t really thought about my resolutions. So I haven’t made any. I’ve just been thrown into this new year all unprepared, directionless, flapping in the breeze. Now that I think about it, I have been flying by the seat of my pants since Jan. 1. Maybe I should set my intentions for this upcoming year? Would that throw me back on track? I am going to take some time to think on that this weekend. Maybe a resolution or two is just what I need. I am trying to eat healthier this year; less candy, less wine. That sounds fun doesn’t it? And of course all of the grilled chicken, veggies and salads leaves me feeling unsatisfied….. and hungry. Lots of water doesn’t cut it and neither does eating an apple. Just sayin’.

As you can see, not everything is unicorns and rainbows here. I struggle just like many of you do. Not everything goes as planned or desired. I have flaws that I need to work on. I have dreams of being this self actualized woman who has everything together. I am a work in progress, and I haven’t lost sight of my goals. I might be flying by the seat of my pants right now, and working through the “baked beans” that are covering my life, but each day I learn something new about myself and I keep going.

If you’re feeling the same way, hang in there. Tomorrow is another day, probably a better day. I plan on using this long weekend to get some rest, take down my Christmas decorations and find some peace about the baked beans of my holiday vacation.

Until next time,

Posted by

I'm honest, sarcastic, funny, loyal, a goal setter, determined, health conscious, a dreamer, a bibliophile, and a creative.

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