You are worth it

Dear Soulseekers,

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I’ve got the house to myself and nothing really on my agenda. I should probably grade some papers or do a little lesson planning, but I don’t want to. Next weekend is really busy and I won’t have much time to lesson plan, so I really should use my time wisely this weekend, but am I going to? No. I’m going to finish this post and then sit down and read a book. Maybe with a glass of wine.

When was the last time you chose to spend your time the way you wanted to rather than what you should be doing? If you’re like my husband, he lives his life by “shoulds”. I should be doing this or I really should have done that, especially if he used his time the way that he wanted to rather than doing some chores around the house or completing a task that needed to be done. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with this. We do have responsibilities. But I am also a firm believer in cutting yourself a little slack. Some of you have probably reached the conclusions that A) I’m not a perfectionist, B) I’m also not a Type A personality, C) I’m also not a people pleaser, and you would be right. Does this make it easier for me to allow myself some down time and put everything else on the back burner? Maybe. I don’t necessarily think so. I attribute my ability to focus on myself back to a time when my boys were little. I had a 22 month old and a newborn. The first year of the two of them together was rough. We moved from Colorado to Texas when the newborn was 2 months old, and then between the 2 of them, we spent every Friday for I don’t know how long at the pediatrician’s office for sick time. It was a challenging time. Sometime during all of that, I kind of lost myself. It’s easy to do when you have 2 little kids who are sick and need you. My husband was working a lot so he wasn’t home very much. So it was me.

I don’t remember a specific episode or day when I decided that I needed to reclaim my life, but I did reach that point. I remember going to church on Sundays. I would sit in church listening to the sermon and get sleepier and sleepier. Once we’d get home, I would change my clothes and get back in bed and go to sleep. My husband was left to feed the kids lunch and deal with them. I was exhausted. I remember crying to my husband and saying I had lost myself. I don’t think he understood, and probably I wasn’t making much sense. I remember him telling me he loved me and the boys loved me. But the way I was feeling didn’t have anything to do with that. The person I had been for the last 30 years was gone. The all consuming role of motherhood had cast a shadow over everything.

Now don’t make the mistake of thinking Oh, she was depressed. I wasn’t depressed. I was still happy and loved my life and I was still going about my day to day activities. But I had zero time to myself, and zero time to do any of the things that I enjoyed that made me Me. I knew that if I didn’t make some changes, the person I had been for the last 30 years of my life would be gone, and I didn’t want that to happen.

Long story short…. I made some changes. Started getting out with friends, doing photography and scrapbooking. I started reading again. I made time for myself because I needed it. I needed it then, and I need it now. Yes the sink might be full of dishes. Didn’t get that last load of laundry done. Oh well. I can do it tonight or tomorrow. The world will not end, blood will not be shed if I take an hour to read a book rather than do that load of laundry or unload the dishwasher. Bottom line: you have to make yourself a priority sometimes. It’s that simple.

You are worth it.

You deserve it.

You have earned it.

Say it out loud to yourself if you need to in order for it to stick. But there is no shame in making time for yourself. Don’t lose who you are at your core, in your soul. The reason I started this website is because at one time I had lost sight of who I was and now I work everyday to reflect and refine who I am, what I believe, what I hold sacred.

I encourage you to plan time for you. It’s one of the best things you can do to improve your happiness, your well-being, your sense of contentment, and it will have an impact on everything else in your life.

Until next time,

Posted by

I'm honest, sarcastic, funny, loyal, a goal setter, determined, health conscious, a dreamer, a bibliophile, and a creative.

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